The past month’s been full of changes for me; some good, some bad, some big, some life-changing. Back in August, when both my sister and my best friend moved away from home, and I realized I was going to be here for a while longer than I’d intended, I became pretty depressed. I felt like all I did this summer was go to work and take care of my grandfather. Both were draining me, and I’m pretty sure I was no fun to be around. I’ve been taking a lot of slack from my parents for how I’ve dealt with the challenges that have been thrown at me. For almost four years, I’ve been told almost constantly that I’m doing the wrong thing, and that this thing or that choice is going to leave me poor/unhappy/lonelier than I already am. I’m starting school in 9 hours and my father’s still making comments about me not doing anything and having to live at home forever.
But something happened after my 20th birthday. I’m not exactly sure what it was, or what changed in me, but something did. I feel so much stronger, and able to handle things now. Slowly losing my family is tough. Watching one of the strongest men I know deteriorate from cancer has been one of the hardest things I’ve had to see. My mother’s parents are both extremely ill right now too, and it’s stressful on everyone… But for the first time in so long, I feel like I can deal with this.
So what’s the point of me telling you this? First, I’m apologizing for being a flaky friend to a lot of people for the past couple months. I say yes to too many people for too many things, and I end up looking like a shit head. I’m sorry. Second, I’m going to be mad ass busy. Starting tomorrow, I’ll be going to school every day from 9 am to 4:30 pm. Monday, Tuesday and Thursday, I’ll be working my new job in the evening. My curr ent job (bath and body works) is going to just schedule me whenever they feel like it, working around the two set schedules. Basically, I’m going to be one hustlin’ bitch. I know some of you could probably care less, but for the people I talk to on a regular basis, it might be a big change.
So I guess I figured I’d just throw this out there. Take from all of it what you will. I’m pretty happy, and while some shit is going wrong right now (finances and grandma’s being in the hospital), I’m doing ok. And OK is going to have to be enough for now.
