Let me begin by telling you that this is not a food blog. There are no pictures, because I’m not a cook. I make food that is tasty, for me, and just for me. I made the meatloaf and mashed potatoes and felt like a genius. That’s the only reason I posted it.
That being said, I am a pancake queen. I love, love, love pancakes, but I never order them when I go to diners. I don’t trust them. I make my own. Normally I make them from scratch, because it’s too easy not to. However, I’ve been getting lazy. I bought whole-wheat pancake mix. All I do is add water, and I like that. I have no patience.
So start with whole wheat pancake mix. The box said to use 1 cup of mix and ¾ cup of water, so I put all that in a bowl and mixed it.
Here’s where my genius comes in. I folded in white chocolate chip and Craisins, a handful of each… but it gets better. After my pancakes were done, I took a can of sliced peaches and rinsed them. I hate the syrup, but I hate peeling and slicing my own peaches even more, so I’ll rinse the shit out of canned ones instead. I put 2 tablespoons of butter.
Yeah, two. I’m fat, does this shock you?
Two tablespoons of butter in a really hot pan so it starts melting and getting a little brown right away. Dump the drained peaches in. DON’T GET WATER IN THE BUTTER. IT WILL SPATTER AND HURT LIKE HELL. Swish the peaches around in the butter, and put like a handful of brown sugar over top of all of it, then a few shakes of pumpkin pie spice. Mix it all together on high heat so the peaches cook down. Then get your potato masher. Yup, potato masher. The same one we use to make, GET THIS, the mashed potatoes.
Mash the shit out of the peaches and butter and sugar. Now spoon way too much of it over top of your pancakes. Enjoy your new ass.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
MEATLOAF
Here is my meatloaf recipe. I came up with it all on my own, with influences from Grandma and Paula Dean. Paula excites me, because it's like watching my Grandma on tv, except Grandma's laugh is so much nicer.
Best Meatloaf
2-ish lbs of ground beef. Pick your fat level. I don’t care. I think I used 85.
½-3/4 of an onion, roughly chopped.
2-3 cloves of garlic, depending on how ballsy you are.
1 ½ cups of bread crumbs/stale bread that you put in a plastic bag and beat with a spoon to crush.
1 egg
1 ½ tbsp. steak sauce
A few heavy shakes of Italian seasoning.
SPECIAL SAUCE
½ cup bbq sauce
1/3 cup tomato sauce
1 cup ketchup
Pinch of dried garlic
Pinch of red pepper flakes
Preheat your oven to 375°. Chop/crush everything. Stick it all in a bowl and blend REALLY well with your hands. Utensils are for babies. Attempt to form it into a loaf shape, and stick it in a lightly oiled dutch oven. Mine’s from Calphalon because I’m better than you. Also, I live right next to the outlet and got it mad cheap. Spread half the special sauce on top, covering it. Put the cover on the pot. Stick it in the oven for about 50 minutes. I set my oven for 45, but my cat was distracting me. Pull it out and pour the rest of the sauce on it. Leave the lid off, and put the loaf back in the oven for another hour. After an hour, turn the oven off but leave it in there for about 20 minutes. Don’t open the oven door or ALL WILL BE LOST. Take this time to make some mashed potatoes. Oh look, here’s a recipe. You can’t screw it up.
I-Can’t-Stop-Shoving-Them-In-My-Face Mashed Potatoes.
4-5 Large red potatoes
1/3 cup sour cream
A handful of grated reggiano cheese
A small pat of butter
2 tsp. garlic powder.
1 tsp. salt.
Get a pot of boiling water. Peel some of the nasty skin off the potatoes, but you can leave what’s not dirty on there. Skin makes it look fancy. Boil the potatoes for about 20 minutes, or until you can stick a fork in the biggest pieces without any resistance. Drain the potatoes, and put them back in the pot. Add the rest of the ingrediants and mash with a real potato masher. Don’t use a mixer. Man up and use a real potato masher.
Best Meatloaf
2-ish lbs of ground beef. Pick your fat level. I don’t care. I think I used 85.
½-3/4 of an onion, roughly chopped.
2-3 cloves of garlic, depending on how ballsy you are.
1 ½ cups of bread crumbs/stale bread that you put in a plastic bag and beat with a spoon to crush.
1 egg
1 ½ tbsp. steak sauce
A few heavy shakes of Italian seasoning.
SPECIAL SAUCE
½ cup bbq sauce
1/3 cup tomato sauce
1 cup ketchup
Pinch of dried garlic
Pinch of red pepper flakes
Preheat your oven to 375°. Chop/crush everything. Stick it all in a bowl and blend REALLY well with your hands. Utensils are for babies. Attempt to form it into a loaf shape, and stick it in a lightly oiled dutch oven. Mine’s from Calphalon because I’m better than you. Also, I live right next to the outlet and got it mad cheap. Spread half the special sauce on top, covering it. Put the cover on the pot. Stick it in the oven for about 50 minutes. I set my oven for 45, but my cat was distracting me. Pull it out and pour the rest of the sauce on it. Leave the lid off, and put the loaf back in the oven for another hour. After an hour, turn the oven off but leave it in there for about 20 minutes. Don’t open the oven door or ALL WILL BE LOST. Take this time to make some mashed potatoes. Oh look, here’s a recipe. You can’t screw it up.
I-Can’t-Stop-Shoving-Them-In-My-Face Mashed Potatoes.
4-5 Large red potatoes
1/3 cup sour cream
A handful of grated reggiano cheese
A small pat of butter
2 tsp. garlic powder.
1 tsp. salt.
Get a pot of boiling water. Peel some of the nasty skin off the potatoes, but you can leave what’s not dirty on there. Skin makes it look fancy. Boil the potatoes for about 20 minutes, or until you can stick a fork in the biggest pieces without any resistance. Drain the potatoes, and put them back in the pot. Add the rest of the ingrediants and mash with a real potato masher. Don’t use a mixer. Man up and use a real potato masher.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
How I spend my free time
I won't lie to you, I have a lot of friends that I've met through various things on the internet. I'm not ashamed, I think a lot more people do it than admit to it. This is my friend, Dan. He has this little internet/musical stage name, DanExMachina, so I've replaced his real screen name with DXM, and I'm Krissy... because I'm Krissy. The following conversation is about Possum Kingdom, by The Toadies. In case you're a little slow, I made you a nice little hyperlink, so by clicking the name of the song you can go see the video on youtube. Aren't I nice?
Anyway, here's the convo. See if you can pick out the cute little Talking Heads reference I threw in there just to taunt him. I was dying from laughter the whole time. You'll probably think we're queer. I don't really care.
Krissy (4:05:23 PM): listening to possum kingdom makes me want to drink beer and wear cutoffs
DXM (4:05:32 PM): great song about vampires
Krissy (4:05:34 PM): lol
Krissy (4:05:44 PM): it is so not about vampires
DXM (4:05:53 PM): have you ever read the words
Krissy (4:05:58 PM): yes
DXM (4:06:00 PM): ...
Krissy (4:06:10 PM): wait
Krissy (4:06:12 PM): are you being serious
DXM (4:06:14 PM): yes
Krissy (4:06:15 PM): how did i miss this
Krissy (4:06:17 PM): no fucking way
DXM (4:06:44 PM): prolly too busy watching jewblood
Krissy (4:06:52 PM): it's totally about like
Krissy (4:06:55 PM): necrophilia
Krissy (4:07:08 PM): he's gonna kill her
Krissy (4:07:11 PM): and fuck her dead body
DXM (4:07:20 PM): nah the tell is
DXM (4:07:33 PM): You'll stay as beautiful
With dark hair
And soft skin...forever
Forever
DXM (4:07:38 PM): cuzimmortal
Krissy (4:07:46 PM): cuzdead so not again
Krissy (4:07:49 PM): *aging
DXM (4:07:58 PM): skin doesnt last forever
DXM (4:08:12 PM): ...unless you're a vamp
Krissy (4:08:13 PM): omg please do not ruin this song for me
DXM (4:08:25 PM): vampires are great
DXM (4:08:41 PM): just cuz twilight and true blood made them uncool recently
DXM (4:08:50 PM): does not undo seven years of buffy
Krissy (4:08:54 PM): lol
Krissy (4:08:55 PM): omg
Krissy (4:09:02 PM): what the fuck is up with people and buffy
DXM (4:09:07 PM): best show ever
Krissy (4:09:20 PM): DAN HE LEGIT GOES DO YOU WANNA DIE DO YOU WANNA DIE DO YOU WANNA DIIIIIIE
DXM (4:09:27 PM): yes
Krissy (4:09:36 PM): I will treat you well, my sweet angel = i'm going to fuck your dead body
DXM (4:09:59 PM): how does treating someone well mean fucking their body
DXM (4:10:23 PM): he's asking her to become immortal because "do you wanna die" is the OTHER option
DXM (4:10:40 PM): and saying he'll treat her well for eternity
Krissy (4:10:50 PM): so he's a vampire too
Krissy (4:10:54 PM): no
DXM (4:10:56 PM): the angel thing is cute cuz geddit
DXM (4:11:11 PM): yes thats the point, he wants to sire her
Krissy (4:11:35 PM): no
Krissy (4:11:42 PM): he's a psycho killer
Krissy (4:11:42 PM): Qu'est-ce que c'est?
DXM (4:11:51 PM): if he's not a vampire then what's his "dark secret"
Krissy (4:11:54 PM): (just looked up spelling)
DXM (4:12:06 PM): also
Krissy (4:12:06 PM): his dark secret = murderer
DXM (4:12:08 PM): I want you for mine
My blushing bride
Krissy (4:12:16 PM): = i'm going to fuck oyu
Krissy (4:12:20 PM): take your virginity
DXM (4:12:27 PM): no one says LET ME TELL YOU MY SECRET: I'M A MURDERER
DXM (4:12:36 PM): they just say i'm gonna kill u
Krissy (4:12:42 PM): BUT THEY GO "I'M A VAMPIRE?"
Krissy (4:12:47 PM): BECAUSE VAMPIRES TOTES EXIST
DXM (4:14:00 PM): in the fictional universe killers still don't talk like that
DXM (4:14:24 PM): unless theyre from uzbekistan or something and failed their citizenship test
Krissy (4:14:35 PM): hahahahaha
DXM (4:14:56 PM): plus he says "i didn't mean to scare you"
Krissy (4:15:07 PM): psychotic behavior
DXM (4:15:12 PM): like no
Krissy (4:15:22 PM): whatev
DXM (4:15:32 PM): YOU'LL STAY AS BEAUTIFUL
DXM (4:15:36 PM): aka the same
DXM (4:15:42 PM): cuz never ever change
Krissy (4:15:46 PM): BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT AGING BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAD
Krissy (4:15:47 PM): dude
Krissy (4:15:51 PM): did you see the fucking music video
DXM (4:15:55 PM): DEAD PEOPLE DECOMPOSE
Krissy (4:16:01 PM): he's carrying a body in a god damn baf
Krissy (4:16:02 PM): *bag
DXM (4:16:43 PM): whoa who ever heard of a song that isn't acted out in its video
Krissy (4:16:58 PM): listen
Krissy (4:17:15 PM): no
Krissy (4:17:46 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkwD5rQ-_d4&ob=av3e
Krissy (4:17:48 PM): i know
Krissy (4:17:49 PM): ugh
Krissy (4:17:51 PM): you're impossible
DXM (4:18:02 PM): spliphstar
05-29-2002
Rated -1 the lead singer of the toadies (i can't remember his name, sorry) actually said, when this song was released, that it is actually about a vampire wanting to change a human. so ha
Log in to reply
Krissy (4:18:15 PM): fuckin damn
DXM (4:18:49 PM): you don't want it with me on 90s one-hit wonders i'll own your family
Krissy (4:19:28 PM): hahaha
DXM (4:19:36 PM): that said i like the necro interpretation
Krissy (4:19:48 PM): that's totally what i've thought for like years
Krissy (4:20:00 PM): i'm so disappointed
DXM (4:20:09 PM): tyler the other great toadies song is about rape
DXM (4:20:30 PM): which is cute cuz vampirism's kind of like rape
Anyway, here's the convo. See if you can pick out the cute little Talking Heads reference I threw in there just to taunt him. I was dying from laughter the whole time. You'll probably think we're queer. I don't really care.
Krissy (4:05:23 PM): listening to possum kingdom makes me want to drink beer and wear cutoffs
DXM (4:05:32 PM): great song about vampires
Krissy (4:05:34 PM): lol
Krissy (4:05:44 PM): it is so not about vampires
DXM (4:05:53 PM): have you ever read the words
Krissy (4:05:58 PM): yes
DXM (4:06:00 PM): ...
Krissy (4:06:10 PM): wait
Krissy (4:06:12 PM): are you being serious
DXM (4:06:14 PM): yes
Krissy (4:06:15 PM): how did i miss this
Krissy (4:06:17 PM): no fucking way
DXM (4:06:44 PM): prolly too busy watching jewblood
Krissy (4:06:52 PM): it's totally about like
Krissy (4:06:55 PM): necrophilia
Krissy (4:07:08 PM): he's gonna kill her
Krissy (4:07:11 PM): and fuck her dead body
DXM (4:07:20 PM): nah the tell is
DXM (4:07:33 PM): You'll stay as beautiful
With dark hair
And soft skin...forever
Forever
DXM (4:07:38 PM): cuzimmortal
Krissy (4:07:46 PM): cuzdead so not again
Krissy (4:07:49 PM): *aging
DXM (4:07:58 PM): skin doesnt last forever
DXM (4:08:12 PM): ...unless you're a vamp
Krissy (4:08:13 PM): omg please do not ruin this song for me
DXM (4:08:25 PM): vampires are great
DXM (4:08:41 PM): just cuz twilight and true blood made them uncool recently
DXM (4:08:50 PM): does not undo seven years of buffy
Krissy (4:08:54 PM): lol
Krissy (4:08:55 PM): omg
Krissy (4:09:02 PM): what the fuck is up with people and buffy
DXM (4:09:07 PM): best show ever
Krissy (4:09:20 PM): DAN HE LEGIT GOES DO YOU WANNA DIE DO YOU WANNA DIE DO YOU WANNA DIIIIIIE
DXM (4:09:27 PM): yes
Krissy (4:09:36 PM): I will treat you well, my sweet angel = i'm going to fuck your dead body
DXM (4:09:59 PM): how does treating someone well mean fucking their body
DXM (4:10:23 PM): he's asking her to become immortal because "do you wanna die" is the OTHER option
DXM (4:10:40 PM): and saying he'll treat her well for eternity
Krissy (4:10:50 PM): so he's a vampire too
Krissy (4:10:54 PM): no
DXM (4:10:56 PM): the angel thing is cute cuz geddit
DXM (4:11:11 PM): yes thats the point, he wants to sire her
Krissy (4:11:35 PM): no
Krissy (4:11:42 PM): he's a psycho killer
Krissy (4:11:42 PM): Qu'est-ce que c'est?
DXM (4:11:51 PM): if he's not a vampire then what's his "dark secret"
Krissy (4:11:54 PM): (just looked up spelling)
DXM (4:12:06 PM): also
Krissy (4:12:06 PM): his dark secret = murderer
DXM (4:12:08 PM): I want you for mine
My blushing bride
Krissy (4:12:16 PM): = i'm going to fuck oyu
Krissy (4:12:20 PM): take your virginity
DXM (4:12:27 PM): no one says LET ME TELL YOU MY SECRET: I'M A MURDERER
DXM (4:12:36 PM): they just say i'm gonna kill u
Krissy (4:12:42 PM): BUT THEY GO "I'M A VAMPIRE?"
Krissy (4:12:47 PM): BECAUSE VAMPIRES TOTES EXIST
DXM (4:14:00 PM): in the fictional universe killers still don't talk like that
DXM (4:14:24 PM): unless theyre from uzbekistan or something and failed their citizenship test
Krissy (4:14:35 PM): hahahahaha
DXM (4:14:56 PM): plus he says "i didn't mean to scare you"
Krissy (4:15:07 PM): psychotic behavior
DXM (4:15:12 PM): like no
Krissy (4:15:22 PM): whatev
DXM (4:15:32 PM): YOU'LL STAY AS BEAUTIFUL
DXM (4:15:36 PM): aka the same
DXM (4:15:42 PM): cuz never ever change
Krissy (4:15:46 PM): BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT AGING BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAD
Krissy (4:15:47 PM): dude
Krissy (4:15:51 PM): did you see the fucking music video
DXM (4:15:55 PM): DEAD PEOPLE DECOMPOSE
Krissy (4:16:01 PM): he's carrying a body in a god damn baf
Krissy (4:16:02 PM): *bag
DXM (4:16:43 PM): whoa who ever heard of a song that isn't acted out in its video
Krissy (4:16:58 PM): listen
Krissy (4:17:15 PM): no
Krissy (4:17:46 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkwD5rQ-_d4&ob=av3e
Krissy (4:17:48 PM): i know
Krissy (4:17:49 PM): ugh
Krissy (4:17:51 PM): you're impossible
DXM (4:18:02 PM): spliphstar
05-29-2002
Rated -1 the lead singer of the toadies (i can't remember his name, sorry) actually said, when this song was released, that it is actually about a vampire wanting to change a human. so ha
Log in to reply
Krissy (4:18:15 PM): fuckin damn
DXM (4:18:49 PM): you don't want it with me on 90s one-hit wonders i'll own your family
Krissy (4:19:28 PM): hahaha
DXM (4:19:36 PM): that said i like the necro interpretation
Krissy (4:19:48 PM): that's totally what i've thought for like years
Krissy (4:20:00 PM): i'm so disappointed
DXM (4:20:09 PM): tyler the other great toadies song is about rape
DXM (4:20:30 PM): which is cute cuz vampirism's kind of like rape
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